


Chinmoku (Silence)

by vogue91



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Paternal Instinct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 12:38:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14378817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “You know I had really grown fond of that kid.” he said, embarrassed.Ryo smiled to him, getting his face closer to his.“It showed.” he murmured. “You were beautiful.”





	Chinmoku (Silence)

_“Boku no tsuyogary na toko mo,_

_sunao ni narenai toko mo_

_Damatte aishitekureru kimi wo,_

_hanashitakunai towa ni.”_

_[The parts of me showing courage,_

_the parts of me that can’t be honest_

_That side of you loving me without saying a word,_

_I don’t want to let go for the whole eternity.]_

(Mamoritai, Ohkura Tadayoshi)

 

Ohkura sat patiently in the rehearsal room.

He had gotten early to work, too much early.

He had woken up with a weird feeling of loneliness that morning, and he had found himself wandering his apartment without a true wish to do anything at all.

Then he had decided to drink some coffee and go out, even though it was an hour earlier than he should’ve.

Once arrived he had sat at his drums, starting slowly to move the drumsticks, rolling them, playing something without putting much effort in it.

He could barely focus.

Right then, Ryo had appeared on the door.

He looked intent, a coffee in his hand.

Three sugars and a half.

Ryo hated sweet stuff, except for coffee. Three and a half, not four and not three, if one didn’t want to risk hearing him complain about it for the rest of the day, accusing the unlucky one on duty of a poisoning attempt.

Ohkura smiled. He knew him like the back of his hand, and it was something he had always been proud of; Nishikido wasn’t the kind of guy easy to know, if one wasn’t enough in his good graces to let him give all of himself, without shame and unreservedly.

He hit the cymbal to warn him of his presence, and chuckled when he saw him jump and spilling part of the coffee on himself.

“Damn it, Bonkura!” he yelled, glaring at him. “You gave me a stroke.” he complained, reaching him and hitting him on the head; Ohkura, on his part, hit his hand with the drumstick, still smiling.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” he apologized, bowing his head.

Ryo shrugged, pushing him on the side to sit down next to him, on the edge of the stool.

“What are you doing here anyway?” he asked distractedly, while he grabbed some tissues from Ohkura’s bag and tried to clean himself up from the coffee.

“I couldn’t sleep tonight, so I got up early and I came here. Beats staying home with nothing to do.” Tadayoshi answered, starting to play again, still without much focus. Ryo stared at him, confused.

“You could’ve called.” he said, as if it was obvious. The younger laughed.

“To have you read me a bedtime story?” he mocked him, earning another hit on the head.

“You could’ve come to my place. At least we would’ve both been awake.” he said, taking one of the drumsticks from his hand and hitting the snare drum experimentally.

“Why didn’t you sleep?” Ohkura asked.

“I was studying a script. And, anyway, I wasn’t sleepy.” he paused, while he went to the floor tom, getting an unpleasant sound out of it. He decided he should’ve stuck to instruments he actually could play, and turned toward the younger again. “And _you_? Why couldn’t you sleep? Normally you fall asleep under any circumstance. No, really, sometimes I wonder if you’re ever actually awake.” he slightly mocked him, but Ohkura didn’t bite. He took the drumstick back from his hand and played something, more convinced this time.

Ryo kept still, listening.

He wasn’t in a rush, he knew he was going to answer but, apparently, he just needed time.

And anyway, there was something magnetic in Tacchon when he played. It looked like the world around him vanished, as if there were just him, his drums and sound.

Watching him play was one of the things Ryo liked most in the world.

When he stopped, the elder patted on his shoulder, satisfied.

“Now that you’re done showing off your talent, do you feel like telling me what’s going on?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ohkura shrugged and stood up to go and take some water. He started talking, without looking at Ryo.

“It’s nothing. It’s just... a weird feeling. It’s a very stupid thing.” he could only say, as if he wasn’t really capable to explain what was going on.

“You didn’t eat?” Ryo asked casually. Ohkura turned to look at him, his eyebrow raised. It was enough.

Ryo got up, getting close to him and hugging him from behind. He pressed his forehead against the nape of his neck, kissing it lightly.

“Okay, I’m sorry. But, really... can you tell me what’s wrong?” he insisted.

Ohkura sighed, turning and wrapping his arms around him.

“It’s nothing, Ryo. Really.” he said. “It’s just thoughts I’ve had lately.”

Ryo bit his thought, unsure as to whether insisting further or not. But, in the end, curiosity and concern got the best of him.

“Thoughts about what?”

Ohkura kept quiet for a few seconds; then he held his breath, as if he wanted to start talking and didn’t know how to.

“I’ve been thinking about the child.” he said in the end, sighing.

Nishikido didn’t need to ask any question to know he was talking about the kid they had shot ‘8Uppers’ with.

And, after all, he shouldn’t have been surprised. Aside from the role he had had to play, aside the shootings and the scenes, Tacchon had really spent quite some time with the child. He ignored the others and stayed there, rocking him, talking nonsense to him, talking with his mother, who of course was always there for the shootings.

Ryo hadn’t paid too much attention to it, anyway. He knew the other man was crazy about kids, that he liked having them around, even though he kept saying he completely lacked any paternal instinct.

Now, hearing that he had been thinking about him and that it made him lose sleep, worried him.

“And why does that put you in a bad mood?”

Ohkura smiled, shrugging.

“It’s not that it puts me in a bad mood. It just makes me thing.” he paused, biting his lip. “You know I had really grown fond of that kid.” he said, embarrassed.

Ryo smiled to him, getting his face closer to his.

“It showed.” he murmured. “You were beautiful.” he kissed him, as if he couldn’t help it.

It was true, he was beautiful. He smiled, his eyes shone, he looked... happy. Tadayoshi had always been one to get gloomy over nothing, and Ryo had been sincerely glad to see him so serene for such a long time.

And seeing him like that now, somehow hurt him too.

“Do you want one?” he asked, mischievous, trying to lighten the conversation. Ohkura snorted, flicking his forehead.

“Baka!” he reproached him, but he couldn’t hold back a smile. “I suppose a child is the last thing I need right now. And anyway...” the smile grew wider, mirroring the mischief in Nishikido’s. “Even if I wanted to, how were you thinking of attending to that particular need? Because unless you’ve grown a uterus overnight I don’t think that...”

“Cut it!” the other interrupted him, his face a deep shade of red.

They kept quiet for a while, then Ohkura shrugged and kissed him again, with a tenderness that wasn’t really typical for him.

“I’m sorry. I was messing with you.” he said, still smiling.

“It’s not that. I don’t like to see you like this. You know it. I wish you talked more with me.” he sighed, torturing his lips with his teeth. “I’m not useless as you think, you know?” he added then, accusatory.

The younger’s eyes widened, perplexed.

“Nishiyan, I’ve never thought you were useless, you know it. And you also know I’m not one to talk when I have an issue.” he pulled back a little, frustrated. “It’s not even an issue, I told you. It’s just thoughts running through my mind, nothing serious, nothing worth worrying about. I think about him and I think I liked to have him around. It... it made me feel good, somehow. Nothing more, nothing less. It’ll pass soon, anyway, there’s nothing you have to worry about.”

Ryo smiled, almost unwillingly.

He worried, damn he did. He could also keep quiet and watch, he could pretend he didn’t care, he could go down his road... but he always worried about Tadayoshi.

He worried about his nature, because he pretended to be an adult when he didn’t want to, because he closed himself up in a mutism that Ryo couldn’t breach.

He just wanted him to be happy. A terribly stupid cliché, but it was all he desired.

He brought an arm around his shoulders, tiptoeing to fill the height gap.

“Well... you should settle with having me around, Bonkura.” he murmured. Ohkura pushed him.

“Don’t call me Bonkura, Nishiki.”

“Bonkura.”

“Cut it.”

“Bonkura.” the elder repeated, the smile on his face more sincere now.

“Ryo...” the younger said, as a warning.

“Yes, Bonkura?”

Tadayoshi sighed. He wasn’t going to win this.

“I’m sure I can settle with having you around.” he said, raising his eyebrows and smiling.

After all, he thought, having Ryo around wasn’t all that different from having a child.

...but he wasn’t going to share that particular thought with him.

He went back to the drums, and the other was still next to him.

Just having him close, he decided, was enough to feel that weird feeling of emptiness that had caught him these past few weeks. He felt better, when Ryo was there.

But he was a proud man.

And it wasn’t necessary to let Ryo know that either.

He already knew, anyway.


End file.
